Talking to children about separation - Honest Discussions

The separation journey is undoubtedly a challenging one, especially when children are involved.

​Research indicates that keeping discussions simple, future-focused, and free from unnecessary details can significantly contribute to a smoother transition for children.

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Open Communication

​Children need to be informed about their parents' separation, but the reasons behind it may not be necessary for them to know. When initiating this conversation, keeping it simple and centered on basic, objective facts is key. Honest and age-appropriate communication forms the foundation for a healthier understanding of the situation.

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Future-Focussed

​When talking to children about separation, it's crucial to shift the focus towards the future. Describe upcoming parenting arrangements, and explain how these changes might lead to positive outcomes. Reassure your children about the continuous love and support from both parents, fostering a sense of security during this period of change.

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Tips for talking to children about separation:

• Make it easy for your kids to love both parents.
• Affirm their love by expressing it verbally.
• Maintain honesty throughout the conversation.
• Keep explanations simple and age-appropriate.
• Be civil; avoid criticizing the other parent in front of the children.
• Reassure your children that the separation is unrelated to them.
• Stay future-focused in your discussions.

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Things to avoid:

Recognizing potential pitfalls in behavior is crucial to protecting your children's emotional well-being. Avoid engaging in actions such as:

•  Using children as messengers between parents.
• Asking a child to report on the other parent.
• Name calling and anger between parents.
• Using visits solely for entertainment.
• Putting pressure on children to take sides.
• Setting up competing activities, which can spoil children's time with either parent.

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Navigating the complexities of parental separation requires a delicate balance of honesty, reassurance, and future-focused discussions.

By prioritising open communication and avoiding harmful behaviors, parents can create an environment that supports their children's emotional well-being during this challenging time.

​Remember, your children learn by observing your actions and interactions with others. The goal is to guide children through the process while preserving their trust, loyalty, and overall sense of security.

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This information is taken from the Australian Government Family Law Resources at Family Relationships Online.
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Parenting Plans Mediation is a Family Dispute Resolution service specialising in assisting separating parents, and sometimes grandparents and others, in reaching agreement for the ongoing care of their children. Where necessary, a section 60I Certificate is issued for application to the Courts. The information contained in this blog is general in nature and should not be relied upon as legal advice. Parenting Plans Mediation encourages parties to speak to a legal practitioner and may make a referral to legal and mental health services where necessary.